Guest Post : Not blooming ... just wilting. A Hyperemesis Gravidarum story.

During my second pregnancy I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. An extremely debilitating pregnancy sickness condition. Not morning sickness! During my pregnancy I spoke with a few women in the same situation, we cried, laughed and vomited together, oh the things you bond over! This is one of their stories. It's so touching, it will make you cry. 

I. Just. Don’t. Want. To. Vomit. Anymore.

Not blooming … just wilting.

“I just don’t want to vomit anymore,” I wailed to my mother today as she wiped my brow with a damp cloth in between my heaves and retches.

I. Just. Don’t. Want. To. Vomit. Anymore.

36 weeks into my second pregnancy and you’d think I’d be used to it. Stoic. Unfazed by another round with my head in a bucket. I am used to it. That doesn’t mean it gets any easier. Ever.

Just when you think you’re handling the chronic nausea and spewing you get plunged into some other slightly different and far more distressing vomiting fiasco: The burn of acid bile vomit, the nose spew, burst blood vessels in your eyes and face from the force of your heaving, ‘spewrination’ (yep, you heard me right, it’s the term I coined in my first pregnancy to describe the awesome combination of spewing and incontinence.)

Today I discovered the “squash vomit.”

That’s pretty much where one is bent over power heaving with such potency that one is essentially crushing their unborn child to the point where one’s abdomen is screaming for relief in one pain filled nightmare spasm and one’s whole stomach alters shape in one rebellious convulsion.

Today I feared breaking my waters with the force of my spewing. Today I wondered if I’d injured my baby in utero by crushing her limbs. Today I questioned if it was possible to forcibly detach my placenta with the sheer vigour of my heaving and retching.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

The latin term that literally means EXCESSIVE (Hyper) VOMITING (Emesis) in PREGNANCY (Gravidarum.)

HG.

My unwanted companion through 2 pregnancies.

Its rare.

Its debilitating.

It’s cruel.

It’s unpredictable.

I could tell you about the toll of spewing twenty plus times a day. Everyday. I could tell you what it’s like to vomit until your throat bleeds. I could tell you about the treatment options that essentially involve the medications they use to treat Chemotherapy patients for their nausea and vomiting. I could tell you about how worried you feel taking such potent drugs in such large doses while your pregnant friends and pregnancy app garble on about whether or not it’s safe to use mosquito repellent and take paracetamol. 

I could recount what it’s like to have uninformed doctors dismiss you, friends and co-workers pat your hand and suggest ginger and other homeopathic remedies for your “morning sickness” while they reminisce about their first trimester nausea. I could tell you what it’s like to be so sick and so unable to fight for treatment that you end up delirious on the bathroom floor hallucinating that German Shepherds have broken through the window and are feasting on your decomposing body. I could tell you that it doesn’t just end with pregnancy – that the toll it takes on your body during pregnancy is hard to repair post pregnancy to the point where chronic dehydration and ketones in my urine from my first pregnancy caused gall stones and the subsequent removal of my gall bladder.

But in the end, 80% of you would just dismiss my whining and complaints with the usual responses:

“Yes, but it will be worth it in the end.” Yes, it will. But it doesn’t diminish my suffering.

“You should be grateful that you can conceive and carry a baby at all.” Yes, I am grateful. But I am also very, very sick.

“It’ll all be over soon and the memory of this will all fade, as long as the baby is healthy that is all that matters.” Soon. Soon it will be over. Not soon enough for me who sat and listened to my obstetrician explain to me this week that while my baby continues to grow and thrive my liver and kidneys are no longer functioning as they should due to chronic long term dehydration. That could explain why I have blood in my urine nearly every day. It could be why my bile levels slowly rise above normal. The toll of carrying my child is causing my body to break down. I need a holter heart monitor to check why I am so breathless and suffer ongoing heart palpitations, but it’s mostly likely to be caused by ongoing stress on my body and organs or my extremely low iron levels. “Apparently when you vomit for 9 months you deplete your iron stores,” giggled my midwife flippantly. Yes, soon it will be over. For me it’s just not soon enough.

I am incredibly lucky to have conceived and (almost) carried two daughters to fruition. I look at my two year old every day and thank god for her existence and know deep within myself that she was worthy of 9 months of debilitating illness and that I would walk through the fires of hell to have her by my side. In a matter of a few short weeks I will be a Mummy again and be able to hold and cherish my second daughter with an abundance of love knowing she too was worth every god awful retching, bilious vomit.

But on another level there are things that I have lost in this battle to bring 2 daughters into the world that perhaps simply aren’t replaceable or retrievable. Yes, memories do fade, but I can assure you that it has taken a lot of counselling and inner strength to overcome parts of the trauma of my first HG pregnancy. To train myself not to constantly be looking for vomit escape routes – the nearest bin, the nearest vomit receptacle, an appropriate excuse, to not react to certain smells, sights, locations and sounds that bring back the clammy hands, the dizziness, the nausea. To not see normal, happy pregnant women out and about and wonder firstly how they are alive and secondly how they can eat, smile, function and seemingly enjoy their child bearing experience. To not hear the news of some lovely couple trying to conceive and to instantly think “don’t do it. You might die.”
It might just be resentment over lost time with my daughter while I fight to bring her sibling into the world. Worry over her constant anxiety – “Mummy, you okay? Mummy you so sick, call doctor. Mummy, you need a wipe?” Having to explain to daycare educators why my two year old daughter is role playing vomiting into containers during playtime, “just like mummy.”

It might just be that I’ve lost so many friendships and largely been forgotten, like some broken toy in the dusty corner with the cobwebs. It’s just not fun having a sick friend who isn’t entertaining anymore and doesn’t socialize. It’s no fun not having a wife, according to my husband. Just like anyone facing a chronic ongoing or long term illness, people are strange creatures who tend to ignore the elephant in the room or essentially for them, when you disappear into a 9 month long sickroom, you become invisible. People I have considered true friends and loved and cared about have dismissed me, forgotten me, and misunderstood me. Everyone loves to revel in the prize at the end and ooh and ahh over the lovely baby but no one really wants to see the sad, droopy faced, vomiting woman with the sick bag stash who never goes anywhere. Everyone offers to help, “just call us if you need anything!” But if and when you can bring yourself cringingly to ask for some assistance, offers generally don’t eventuate.

It might just be that I’ve lost a little part of me that used to be more carefree and forgiving. I am bitter. I am a bit twisted over it all. It’s not fair and I can’t find the justification for it all. I may have lost a bit of faith in a humanity who couldn’t once (not once!) even make and drop a meal over to feed my family while I was struggling to feed my toddler non-spew-trigger foods like frozen peas and packets of popcorn. Yet strangely, strangely, I gained some of that faith back tenfold in the love and sacrifice of my family.

In my first pregnancy my sister flew me home to the Sunshine Coast after ten days of trying to assist me with my misdiagnosed “morning sickness.” I was too ill to care for myself – to shower, to drive, to shop for food and attempt to prepare it. This newly single mum with two small children to care for and a job and career to maintain took me in and fought for me like a proverbial lioness. She challenged doctors, questioned nurses, drove me back and forth to hospital for essential IV fluidsand Dr appointments, filled my scripts, prepared me meals that mostly ended up vomited down the sink, cleaned up my spew, helped me shower, wiped my clammy face, deterred me from a termination and held me together through the mental trauma of an illness that ravaged my body, mind and spirit. What was meant to be a few weeks of care to get me through my ‘first trimester morning sickness’ turned into a diagnosis of Hyperemesis Gravidarum and a four month long stay with her and her children until I was essentially just well enough to cope with returning to my home. We purposely made a decision to shield my parents from the reality of my illness as they travelled Australia for the duration of my pregnancy, living their lifelong caravanning dream.

Likewise, this current pregnancy has not only gradually broken my body down to the point where I am writing lists of instructions on how to raise my children in the anticipation of my death, it has also broken my spirit and faith in friendship and lack of understanding in others. One thing it has strengthened and reinforced is my love and gratefulness to my family. I didn’t have the usual early pregnancy symptoms of feeling faint or skipping a period. At 2 weeks pregnant I felt nauseated and by 2.5 weeks I’d already started some occasional vomiting – enough to tweak my suspicion and wee on a stick. Sobbing with fear I cried to my husband in hysterics and wailed that same line over and over again: I. Just. Don’t. Want. To. Vomit. Anymore.

I made a phone call to my sister, Mum and Dad the very next morning and wept into the phone – “Please, please help me. I’m pregnant again.” Within a week my caravan crew were parked up in my backyard, ready to fight the battle for another baby, the final grandchild. There is no better way to describe my parents other than ‘saintly.’ They took over the care of my toddler, cooked meals for my husband and child, washed, cleaned, drove me in and out of hospital for intravenous fluids, held my hair while I vomited, filled my prescriptions, emptied my spew bowls, ran errands, took me to Dr appointments… I could never repay them for the care and support they have given me over the past 9 months. What they do on a daily basis to keep me alive is phenomenal, amazing, selfless, and noble.

The comments of strangers, friends, colleagues and acquaintances don’t quite have the power they did over me in my first pregnancy. It’s true, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I can smile politely while you tell me about your homeopathic cures, how terrible your morning sickness was and how grateful I should be to be ill as every vomit should remind me of the blessing I carry as your friend/neighbor/sister can’t conceive at all. Most of the time I can hold my tongue and walk away after you’ve patted my hand and told me to eat more ginger and drink more water. I know having a healthy child, no matter how much it has cost me to carry her, is better than no child at all. I know that unlike Crohns disease, Cancer, autoimmune problems and any other significant long-term illness I’m the lucky one who gets a prize at the end. I know that there is an end. I don’t deny that there are people who are suffering far worse than I. I know every day there are women struggling to make and carry a baby to full term. I know all that. But I. Just. Don’t. Want. To. Vomit. Anymore. My aim here is not to belittle or demean the ongoing struggles of very sick people in our community or people going through a tough time on any personal level. I just want to share my journey in the hope that maybe somehow it changes even one person’s attitude toward chronic illness.

Now it’s almost here. So close. The end of HG. The start of life again. I know it will be worth it, every vomit, and every retch. I’ll have my complete family. I’ll know that I never have to face another 9 months of hell. Maybe I will even be a little extra protective, a little extra loving and doting as a mum, maybe I will be squeezing my second child just a little tighter, the way I did with my first just because of what it has cost me to grow her in my body. But even though it’s so close I can almost touch it and it will all be over soon, and I will smile as I present my baby to the world, just know that I’m a little changed, altered forever perhaps from this battle they call pregnancy.

Once I stop wilting, I will bloom again… but right now, right now, I. Just. Don’t. Want. To. Vomit. Anymore. So indulge me, allow me my complaints and bitterness… one day I will bloom again. 

Guest Post Call Out - MCN Reviews.

 I LOVE it when people guest post on my blog -

I get to read other people's posts and my blog keeps running!

This time I'm sending a call out for people to write a review on their favourite
Modern Cloth Nappies.

I wish that when I was searching for the perfect nappy I found a spot where I could see a whole heap of reviews in the one spot, instead I spent money on nappies that we never used!

The posts will all be in the same format that will make it easier for readers to read, and you to write!

Email me at harleymcocks@gmail.com if you want to guest post :)

I will run them until the end of January :)

(Next months guest post blog topic will be 'life with kids')

Birth Story - Amber Katelin (30weeks)

When Jydan was about to turn 6 months I sent out a Breastfeeding Guest Post Call Out to celebrate and spent a couple of weeks sharing people breastfeeding posts until Jydan turned 6 months.

Jydan is about to ONE!

Until Jydan turns thirteen months I want to share birth stories, to celebrate his birthday!

Email me at harleymcocks@gmail.com if you want to guest post :)

You can read Jydan's birth story here:

Birth Story -Baby Jydan

I've been REALLY looking forward to sharing this story because it's one of my beautiful friends, Jaimie, and her story about giving birth at just 30 weeks. Her strength and her beautiful strong baby girl is really inspirational. I got to meet little Amber only about 15 hours after she was born and I'll never forget it!

Amber Katelin: Sunday 21st of April 2013 is when it all began. Luke and I were having a sleep in that morning. I got up to go to the toilet and that's when I lost what I now know was the mucus plug. I went back into bed, described to Luke what had happened and as this was our first baby (and so we were oblivious), we googled what it could be. I then rang the health direct line to see what to do and as I was only in my 29th week of the pregnancy they told me to go straight to the hospital. We got to the hospital and they did all their intrusive checks, hooked me to machines and because bubby's heartbeat was constantly stable all the time (rather than down when sleeping and up when active as they'd like) they said I needed to stay the night. I messaged work that I'd be off the next day (assuming I'd be back on the Tuesday) and settled in for the night. 3 days later I was still there as bubby's heartbeat was still the same and they weren't sure if it was just the way she was or if it meant she was in stress (but all other checks, including a half an hour watching ultrasound observing all of her movements came back that she was fine). They gave me steroids to develop her lungs (just in case) and sent me home on the Wednesday. The Thursday was a public holiday so I wasn't back at work. Because I'd had 3 days of listening to bubby's heartbeat 24/7, not having it anymore made me a bit nervous and so I asked Harley if I could pop up and borrow her Doppler to listen (which she kindly let me take home and borrow). This eased my mind and I went back to getting ready to go back to work the next day. Then at 5am on the Friday I woke up to 3 minutely contractions. They were not painful at all, just a tightening but happened every 3 minutes consistently. I called the hospital and the lady said to just come in to get checked out whenever that morning (no hurry). 5 minutes later I get a call back saying no I should come in now... so off I went (Luke was at work). I spent the day in there where true to hospital form... No one really told me anything. In the end they told me they had done a test and it had come back that they were real contractions I was having (not Braxton Hicks) but they could go away or bubby could come, they didn't really know. Throughout this whole thing, neither Luke or I ever really thought she'd come and the first time we stopped to think that maybe there was a possibility was when they gave us a tour of the neonatal unit and the staff there said 'oh you're the 30 weeker' at which point Luke and I looked at each other and thought that's weird that they already know about us but we still kind of brushed it off. We only told our parents what was happening as we didn't want any unnecessary fuss from everyone (as we still weren't really very fazed). Mum and Dad came in and we had hospital food for dinner (which little did I know would become normal). This is when the contractions started becoming uncomfortable but still nothing major. A bit later everyone had gone home and I tried to get some sleep but from 9.30pm the contractions were starting to become painful. Luke was meant to work at 2am the next day so I hadn't disturbed him but at 12am I had had enough of not knowing what was happening and thinking this could go on for weeks before going away (still didn't think she was coming) and I wanted company and so I called Luke and asked him to come in and sit with me. I then calmed down and called him back 5 minutes later and said no I was just being silly, go back to sleep. It was at this point the nurses came in and moved me to the labour ward to be checked to see what was happening. The Dr then told me I was 3cm's dilated and that bubby would be coming and to call Luke back and tell him to come in (but no need to hurry). This was the first time I realised this was really happening. Because the Dr had said there was no need to hurry, Luke went for a shower and stopped at McDonald's to get a coffee and got to me at 1am. I was in a lot of pain by this point and I'd had morphine which was useless and they gave me the gas as an option but I didn't like the thing in my mouth so didn't use this. I was boiling hot, felt sick and in a lot of pain (as everyone in labour I'm sure would relate to) but the thing that annoyed me the most was they wouldn't let me disconnect from the monitor so I wasn't able to move around hardly at all. Most of this bit was a blur but Luke says I looked like I was going to punch the nurse (which of course never crossed my mind, I just had my fists scrunched up in pain). All I kept doing was saying 'no' to everything the Dr told me to do. Lol. My waters then broke, I felt the need to push and 2 pushes later she was here at 1.50am, 27/4/13. 

She was taken over to under a heater straight away where they checked her and Luke 'fake' cut her cord (they'd already done the real cut quickly cos of needing to check her ASAP). She cried like a full term baby (Dr's words) which was a very positive sign. I got a very quick cuddle before they took her away and I had to go under general anesthetic so they could get the placenta (because my body didn't expel it itself). Luke was with bubby and when I woke up they wheeled me down and I got to have skin to skin. Luke and I had 2 other names picked out for her as our options but felt she didn't suit them so we decided to call her Amber instead (which hadn't even been on our list) which was perfect for her. She was 1.38kg's and the tiniest baby I'd ever seen but she was so strong and so beautiful (all snuggled under her bubble wrap to keep the warmth in as she had no body fat). Because she had no health issues and had made the 30 week mark we were able to stay in Launceston (if you're under 30 weeks you have to go to Hobart or Melbourne depending on health) which made things so much easier. She was moved out of ICU less than 12 hours after birth, hadn't needed any oxygen help and had no complicating issues. She was little and so needed tube feeding (so I expressed every few hours like a cow for many weeks) until she was big enough to feed herself (babies apparently can't physically coordinate the suck/swallow until about 35 weeks gestation) and since she learnt, she has been fully breast fed. We were told to expect to be in there until due date (so 2 and a half months) but I said from the start that wouldn't be us (and it wasn't). She had phototherapy for jaundice and slept on a water bed to keep her warm until she put some fat on but all checks on her brain, eyes and hearing all were perfect and every day she amazed all by how well she was and how little help she needed. The staff in the neonatal unit were amazingly supportive as were all family and friends and when she was just 35 weeks gestation we were allowed to go home (which was rare for a baby who was born at 30 weeks). The hospital staff continued to visit for a week after this but she did so well, we were completely discharged from even the home hospital program a month before she was even due and became what felt like a real family. Since then she has gone from strength to strength and is now a beautiful, healthy, strong, 'normal' 6 month old little girl (but her development is accounted for so she is considered a 4 month old baby for those things). We are so blessed. It has been a weird but wonderful experience. We missed out on doing pregnancy classes, I didn't get very big, we had to cancel our maternity shoot, my baby shower was after she was born, I was working one minute and not the next and yes being stuck in hospital for weeks had hard moments but I absolutely love my tiny delight with all my heart and wouldn't have had things any other way.

Birth Story - Tyler Chaise.

When Jydan was about to turn 6 months I sent out a Breastfeeding Guest Post Call Out to celebrate and spent a couple of weeks sharing people breastfeeding posts until Jydan turned 6 months.

Jydan is about to ONE!

Until Jydan turns thirteen months I want to share birth stories, to celebrate his birthday!

Email me at harleymcocks@gmail.com if you want to guest post :)

You can read Jydan's birth story here:

Birth Story -Baby Jydan

This is one of my beautiful friends, Sarah, birth story of her second born, Tyler Chaise. This story means alot to me because Sarah and I were pregnant at the same time and had our two boys, two days apart! I was actually induced the same day Tyler was born! Anyway, I love this little boy dearly

Tyler Chaise :

This pregnancy was so much harder than the pregnancy I had with Lily, so it was no secret that I wanted it to be over sooner rather than later. I started taking Raspberry Leaf tablets and Primrose oil casuals to try and get everything ready for labour and birth.

I had a midwife appointment at 38 weeks 5 days pregnant on Tuesday 6th of November and was hoping that Fiona could do a stretch and sweep to get things moving along as I was just so sick of being in pain with my hips and pelvis and not being able to sleep because of it. Fiona checked my blood pressure, bub heart beat and also my fundamental height which all was spot on. I asked her if it was possible to do a stretch and sweep as she had mentioned it at our 36 week home visit. I think she had forgotten because she looked around and couldn't find any gloves or gear to do it! She eventually found some gloves etc and said sure let's do one. It hurt so bad! She said I was around 2cm dilated already which can be normal with your second bub. After the stretch and sweep I had a little bleeding and a few tummy pains but nothing came from them and they went away.
On Saturday 10th I thought right, that's it, I need this baby out! So I looked up the acupressure points to induce labour and massaged them and massaged and then massaged some more. I also did a lot of nipple stimulation too, I was super keen!
On Sunday 11th I woke up at 6:30am to a tiny wet patch on my underwear. Thinking how strange it was I got up to go to the toilet and felt a lot of liquid coming out that defiantly wasn't me weeing haha.
I rang PAC (Pregnancy Assesment Center) at 7:00am to let them know I thought my waters had broken but I wasn't having any contractions and they said to stay at home for now and they would ring my midwife, Fiona to let her know what was going on.
Ross and I were planning on taking Lily to the Brighton Show on this day, so we figured seeing as I wasn't having any contractions yet and felt ok we would still take her. Boy that was fun, walking around the show with waters leaking everywhere. I stopped by a toilet every 15 minutes! On our way back from the show I got a phone call from Fiona at about 11:15am. She said if contractions didn't start on their own within 24hrs of my waters breaking then I would have to go in so they could put me on a drip or try something else to get labour started and just for me to stay very hydrated and rested. 2:00pm came along and we put Lily down for a nap and decided we might try and get one too just in case. Just as we were going to lay down Fiona phoned and said that she would like me to come in at 4pm that day just to have some monitoring done. I still had no pains at this point. We laid in bed and bub started to get the hiccups, I said to Ross how weird they felt, different, must of been because my waters had broke. Then just after I said that at 2:50pm I got a little pain in my tummy. So we got out of bed and started packing Lily's bag ready to take her to Mums so we could go into the hospital for monitoring and I had another pain at 2:59pm, 9 minutes apart. We packed ourselves in the car as well as mine and bubs bag, just in case we were going to be staying in there. On the way to Mums I had another which was about 8 minutes apart. We gave Lily loads of kisses and left for the hospital. On the way in I had 2-3 more contractions each about 8-9 minutes apart still.
We parked the car then made our way to the hospital. When we got to PAC (Pregnancy Assessment Center) at 4pm, Fiona met us and showed us to a bed and hooked me up to the monitor, took my blood pressure and temp and all looked ok. It was showing on the monitor that I was in fact having regular contractions which made it all the more real that we would be meeting our gorgeous baby boy soon enough! Fiona discussed with us about what to do and we all decided because we live 30 minutes from the hospital and it was quiet at the time that we would stay in there and wait it out. 5:00pm my stomach was rumbling pretty bad so Ross asked if we could go for a walk in the mall to get something to eat. So off we went whilst Fiona organised a room for us. I remember so many contractions on the way to the mall. Also a toilet stop because I was still leaking waters everywhere! We decided to get subway for dinner which was soo yummy! After that and a few more contractions and people staring at us we walked back to the car park to gather mine and bubs bag ready for our short stay in hospital.

At 5:25pm and back at hospital in our birthing suite my contractions were now 5 minutes apart and each lasted for about 1 minute. They were bearable and I could just breathe them off. Fiona would stand near me as I lent on the bed with each contraction and tell me to take big deep breathes, just to think of each contraction as getting to the top of the hill, and breathing back down the other side of the peak. It really helped having her there to remind me to breathe. Fiona mentioned that a shower might help me, but I decided I would save that for later when things REALLY got bad. She showed Ross some ways he could help with back massage. That helped at times, and other times it was just horrible so I would shake my head for him to stop. I remember seeing Fiona set up the room for a new bubby. It made me nervous to think he would be here soon. We were hoping he would be there that night making his birth date 11/11/12, but he sure had other plans. As each contraction came they were getting stronger and stronger. The pain was in my back as well as my tummy because bub was facing the wrong way. So I would try to lean over as much as I could to try and get him into the right position. I tried laying down, on all fours, leaning over the bed. I was just getting so exhausted and needed to sit but every time I did it hurt so much more. My legs were so tired from standing and the pain was getting to be so bad so Fiona suggested the shower. I stripped down and hopped into the shower with Ross pulling up a chair in the bathroom to be with me. Fiona was in and out of the room setting things up and having a break etc. When she came into the room and heard me having a contraction she would come into the bathroom and sit and help me to remember to breathe. I would breathe so deeply that it felt like the air was my happy gas, it really did help me through the pain. I was getting to the point where I was thinking I wanted an epidural so I asked Fiona if she could check me to see how far I was dilated. After Lily's birth I had decided I didn't want any other pain meds apart from epidural. Gas made me feel dizzy and sick as, and in the end I wanted the pain away, so epidural was my only option. 10:00pm I got up onto the bed, with great difficulty and waited out a contraction so Fiona could check me. She found I was in active labour and was 4cm dilated. This disappointed me as I really thought I would be at least 6-7cm. So I decided then and there I wanted an epidural. She said we would have to wait around 45 minutes for the epidural Dr to come and we would have to move rooms into a delivery suite instead of the birthing suite we were in. Fiona bought in a wheel chair for me which I refused as I did not want to sit down as the pain when sitting was unbearable! So off we walked to the delivery suite. On the way I had a couple of contractions and had to stop and breathe and moan them away. I was afraid I was scaring the other pregnant ladies on the ward.
When we got into the room there was a midwife there ready to put a cannula in my arm for fluids etc. I had to get into a hospital gown and lean on the bed so she could put it in. On her first go she blew up one of my veins which hurt so bad. She decided to wait for a more experienced midwife to do it as my veins weren't easy. Once that was in the epidural Dr came in and set everything up. He was going through the side effects and how the epidural worked etc and I remember holding up my hand whilst I buried my head having a contraction, then once it had gone I lifted my head and told him to keep going. I sat up on the bed and lent over some pillows to allow my spine to open up for the epidural. It was so hard to keep still during contractions whilst he gave me a local in the back to numb it all. He put the epidural needle in and my leg had a huge spasm, it actually hurt. That worried me so much but he assured me it was all normal. It was 11pm and the epidural was all in and Fiona and the epidural Dr were sticking tape all over my back to make sure the epidural stayed in place. I was hooked up to blood pressure machine and a heart rate and contraction monitor for bub. It was a relief when the epidural kicked in, not long after this they put in a catheter. I could relax, and Ross had a nap on the recliner near me. I was still getting fairly bad hip pain though so asked to have the epidural upped. At 12:12am they upped it for me and my whole body started to get extremely itchy! I put up with it for a few minutes before mentioning it to Fiona. She said it was one of the side effects on the epidural and went to get some medication for it. She was gone for about 20 minutes and in that time it had settled. Poor Fiona was getting so exhausted and it was getting to the point where she was debating about whether to call in another midwife or not as she didn't want to be tired if things got difficult and she needed to be 100% on the job. 12:45am Fiona said we would do an internal, after doing one she found me to be 6-7cm, closer to 7. The pain in my hips was getting bad again so I got another dose of epidural and it soon calmed down. I was feeling peckish so Fiona went to find me a sandwich. So at 1:30am I was eating a cheese sandwich haha. I could sort of feel each contraction coming, but not at the same time. It was sort of a pulling in my stomach. I could move one leg easily but not the other it was a weird feeling. They told us that now days with epidurals they don't put it up to the highest dose, they keep it so the pain is gone yet I still have feeling, so that when the pushing stage comes I am able to feel enough to push properly. Fiona finally gave in to her tiredness and asked if we minded if she went home and we had another midwife who was male and we had never met before. I said to her that was fine, and thanked her so many times for her care for us throughout pregnancy and labour. At 2:45am I seen Kathy walking through the door. Kathy was our back up midwife who we had met before and I was so hoping she would be the one to deliver bub and not Fiona. I just had a feeling of more closeness to Kathy than Fiona. She was in for another woman who was in false labour so got sent home. The gods were on our side that's for sure. Ross woke just for a few minutes and I explained to him that Fiona went home and Kathy was going to be looking after us, he nodded back off to sleep, poor pet hehe. Kathy decided we would do an internal and see how things were travelling along. At 5:00am I was 8cm dilated, things were going slower than I had hoped. Bub had his head against his shoulders and was no where near where it should be to come down the birth canal. Kathy went to get a Dr to check me to see what she thought. I heard talk of a c-section which scared the crap out of me. They thought at first bubs head was too big to fit through the birth canal. Thank god this wasn't the case, was just him being naughty with his head position. The Dr suggested putting me on a drip to try and get things to travel a little faster which in turn would help bubs head get into position. So at 5:20am the drip went in and it was a waiting game then. Each time I would have a contraction bubs heart rate went down to 70bpm. Each time we heard it go down I would look at Kathy really concerned and I would see her looking at the monitor. It really scared me so I mentioned it to her and she said she wasn't too worried as his heart rate was recovering and coming back up to about 140bpm each time. In between people coming in and out I would have a chat to Kathy and also try and get a little shut eye as I hadn't gotten much sleep for a while before going into labour. It got to about 6:00am and I was feeling pressure in my bottom region. I mentioned it to Kathy and she thought I may be ready to push. She went to look for the Dr and came back. The Dr would be about half an hour before she could get to see us, Kathy said that that extra time would allow bub to come down the birth canal more and for everything to be that little bit more ready for the pushing stage. As each contraction came I still had that pressure feeling. 6:50am the Dr came in and they did an internal to find I was fully dilated and ready to push! This news made my eyes water with excitement! Ross quickly jumped to my side after resting on the recliner and we were ready to go! I grabbed my non numb leg and Ross grabbed my left which I could not move at all and we held them up tight, I put my chin to my chest and gave a few almighty pushes. Kathy was now joined by another midwife, I think her name was Janine? After about 15 minutes of pushing bubs head was slowly coming and they could see part of his head really well. I asked them if I could have a mirror to see him coming so Janine went and got the big mirror and put down the end of the bed, she had to adjust it a bit so I could see. Once I seen and it was time to start pushing again I told her to quickly move the mirror, I didn't want to see a thing anymore haha. But I was so glad to see his head there. I remember telling Kathy to make sure she lets me know when to do little pushes so I didn't split my bits, she laughed at me and told me she would defiantly tell me when we are at that point. Kathy and Janine were then talking about giving me an episiotomy as bubs head just wasn't getting past that point it needed to. They told me to give a few almighty pushes then we would see how things were going. So off I went, I had never pushed so hard for something in my whole life, I felt like my head was going to explode! And then at that moment Kathy told me little pushes, little pushes. So I did tiny little ones then felt a pop and his head was out! Kathy then said, "Oh that explains the heart rate drop". His cord was wrapped around his neck! They were able to quickly get it off his neck and I was able to push the rest of his body out. That feeling of the pressure just going, and Janine putting him onto my chest was just amazing. I kept repeating, I did it, we did it, he is here, I did it! He was so white, and slimey, they double checked to make sure he was indeed a boy. He was pure perfection. He had a lovely head of hair, and was just amazing. I remember looking at Ross, and Ross looking at me and we both had watery eyes, I was crying! Bubby didn't cry for a while which scared me, but after a rub with the towel he let out a big cry. They put tags on him, and a little white hat. It took a while for him to gain his pink colour, but he got there. He was born at 7:12am, after only 20 minutes of pushing to get him into the world.

Whilst we were having skin to skin cuddles and he was making his way to my breast Kathy was delivering the placenta and checking for damage. Janine gave me the shot to help the placenta come in my left leg so I couldn't feel it as that was my dead leg hehe. Kathy found I didn't tear at all, not even along my old episiotomy scar! But I did have 3-4 grazes, 2 of which were fairly bad and it was being discussed whether they needed stitches or not, they decided to leave them. Kathy and Janine asked what his name would be, and Ross and I looked at each other and both said Tyler. After about an hour and a half skin and feeding time they took Tyler to do his checks and get him dressed. Ross went with him, it was only next to my bed. I was feeling so exhausted and I remember closing my eyes, so Ross was in charge then listening to Janine check Tyler over. I remember her saying one of his testies wasn't down but that would come in time, which it did by his 4 week check up. Other than that he was perfect and had a clean bill of health. He weighed in at 2970g (6 pound 9oz), length was 52.5cm and head circumference was 35.5cm. He was 70g heavier than his sister at birth. We really expected a bigger bubby, but am glad he was a tiny little man, he stayed a "newborn" for longer.
After dozing in and out it was time to try and get up to have a shower. It took a few attempts at falling and being jelly like on my legs but I got to the shower and cleaned up which felt amazing. Ross had to be there with me the whole time to help me walk. I was still uneasy on my feet. After some lunch and packing up our gear we were on our way home just 8 hours after Tyler's birth. Neither of us could sleep and we just wanted to get back into our own lifestyle. Tyler was perfect, and I was fine so why not. I am so glad we did too. On our way home we stopped at Maccas to get my first Sundae after having him, it was soooo yummy!
Lily met Tyler the next day and it was love at first sight with those two. She loves to cuddle him, and kiss him and read stories and sing to him too. It melts my heart.
Recovery this time I have to say was so much harder than it was with Lily. My grazes hurt for three weeks, the after pains were soo bad I was in tears, and my whole body hurt from head to toe. The first week was the worst, I was thinking it was never going to end and I would feel like that forever.
Tyler is a great baby, he rarely cries, and if he does it's because he has some trapped wind or is over tired. He fed from 1-3hrs in the first 3 weeks and now 4-5 weeks he feeds 3-5hrs. He loves baths and showers, loves booby of course, loves his big sister to bits and seems to have the most gorgeous personality already. He gave his first smiles at 3 weeks and 5 days :D And has not stopped since.

We love our most newest and last addition to our family and can not wait to grow with you little man.

Sarah

Birth Story - Lily Jade

When Jydan was about to turn 6 months I sent out a Breastfeeding Guest Post Call Out to celebrate and spent a couple of weeks sharing people breastfeeding posts until Jydan turned 6 months.

Jydan is about to ONE!

Until Jydan turns thirteen months I want to share birth stories, to celebrate his birthday!

Email me at harleymcocks@gmail.com if you want to guest post :)

You can read Jydan's birth story here:

Birth Story -Baby Jydan

This is one of my beautiful friends, Sarah, birth story of her first born, Lily Jade. So much love in this story!!

Lily Jade:

Well I made it to the other side. Lily Jade McCarthy was born on Monday 30th of August at 1:20am weighing a tiny 6 pound 7 ounces after a 22.5 hour labour! She is just perfect, there are no other words to describe her. She was 51.5cm and her head circumference 34cm.

So here is her story:

It all started Saturday 28th August at 8:30pm. Ross and I were sitting on the couch watching a move (Beatle Juice) and I had lower back pain. I hadn't had back pain for a long time so I knew something had to be up. I just could not get comfortable no matter how I sat or ever stood. We didn't end up going to bed until 11:00pm and we decided to try the deed to bring her on again. We went to go to sleep as it was 12am (Sunday 29th) but I was getting a few belly pains which I just put down to a tummy pain so I went to the toilet then back to bed, then the toilet again. I got three of these pains within the space of 30 minutes. But ended up going to sleep. I woke up at 3am with more stronger pains and so Ross and I layed in bed and timed them and they were 6 - 8 minutes apart and we both decided this had to be it. We went on for a little bit then I rang PAC (Pregnancy Assessment Center) and they said to make my way in and they would have a look to see what was going on.
We packed up the last minute hospital stuff in my bag and loaded the car up and made the journey in there. We took the car ride slow as we were in no rush. Each little bump we went over I really felt though. We parked at Market Place car park which is a 5 minute walk from the hospital and unloaded the car and made the walk up there. On the way I had a contraction so I just breathed through and took a break from walking. We met a guy on the way who was carrying a pillow and said his wife was in labour atm too. We got up to PAC and the lady to greet us was a midwife who my sister see's at the Health Care place. It was nice to see a familiar face. She set us up on a bed and got me to do a wee so she could test to make sure all was ok, and hooked me up to a CTG monitor which monitored Lily's heart beat and also my contractions. It was then we knew this was really happening. The contraction lines were up and down lots and bubby's heart beat was perfect. The midwife came back in and said she would do an internal to see how things were going. We found out I was 2cm's dilated already and we thought we would see our baby girl that day (Sunday). We were taken to delivery suite 4 and got comfy in there for the labour/birth. They hooked me up to the CTG for more monitoring. A doctor came in at about 10am to put a drip in my arm so that I could have penicillin every four hours as I had Strep B. The doctors name was Abdul. He tired to get it in and it didn't go in so tried again and still failed. It hurt so bloody much, contending with that and contractions was just horrible. The doctor said he would go get an anesthetist to try and get it in as my veins were "bad". The anesthetist came in and got it in with one go. It was in a horrible spot though near my wrist on the side. So when I would lean on the bed through a contraction it would hurt me.
After they put the drip in I kept labouring on and 3pm came along and they did an internal only to find I was only 3cm dilated so they decided to break my waters. They did it while I was having a contraction so it hurt a lot. There was soo much that came out, it was warm and gooey. I did a bolt to the toilet and put on their lovely hospital undies and pads. I walked around as my contractions got stronger and stronger, I couldn't bare it any longer without needing help. So the midwifes suggested trying the gas. I sucked on the gas as each contraction was coming and at first it felt like it was helping, but then after an hour of that I was feeling sick and dizzy from each suck. So I would try and breathe through the contractions myself rather than use the gas. The midwifes suggested trying a shower, so I stripped off in front of Ross and two midwifes, and jumped into the shower and still had the gas there to suck on. The shower was bliss for about two or three contractions then I just had to get out as I wasn't feeling comfortable anymore. So I got out and put on my nighty I bought for labouring in. I walked around some more and tried a heat pack on my belly which helped for a little while, but didn't do much in the end. They wanted to monitor me and bub again so I hopped onto the bed while they hooked me up. After a while of that I begged them for something else to help with the pain and the said Pethidine was the next option so I got that put into my cannula and about 10 minutes after that I begged and begged for the epidural as I really couldn't go on with the pain any longer. I did well to go the 14 hours without anything at all I reckon. The midwife went to tell the anesthetist to get ready to do an epidural in delivery room 4 and it would of been about 10 minutes and they were in setting up to do it. I remember saying sorry to everyone that I gave into an epidural. Sorry to Ross mostly because I knew how much he didn't want to have a needle going into my back. And I felt so gutless having it as I really didn't want it while I was pregnant, I wanted drug free all the way. So they gave me a local in the back which hurt, and told me to keep very still while they did the epidural. It was so hard to keep still while having contractions. It took about half an hour for the epidural to take effect and then I was in heaven I couldn't feel any pain what so ever. I could just move my legs and that was about it. They put a catheter in not long after the epidural as I wouldn't feel when I needed to go to the toilet. A while after the epidural was done I could start to feel pain in my right side, so they upped the dosage I was receiving but I could still feel it so they upped it to the highest amount they could give me which worked for a while. I remember Ross having a nap in the arm chair for a while and I also got a little bit of shut eye and rest until I woke with the pain there again. It ended up I had to put up with it. A midwife every now and again would get a block of ice and check to see where I could feel the coldness on my skin. The most time it wasn't until the ice block got to my belly button/ribs. As the time went on we had a few different midwifes as they were changing shifts. They put a drip in to try and quicken things up around 9pmish but it was only in for a while as they seen bub's heart rate was dropping as she wasn't liking it, so they took it out and it got to about 10pm and they decided to do another internal and found me to be fully dilated. They said when you have had an epidural they like to wait an hour before beginning the pushing stage just to make sure all is ready to go as I wasn't getting "that pushing urge" that most women get.
Once the hour was up it was around 11pm and I started pushing. The midwife would feel my belly to feel when a contraction was coming on and told me when to push. It felt like I wasn't even pushing at all, but I was. The midwife did two to three internals while I was pushing to see how bub was progressing. She wasn't getting very far down the birth canal with each push though. Before I knew 2 hours had passed by and I was still pushing. I would give two to three good pushes each contraction. The midwife went to get the doctor as they don't like to let people go 2 hours pushing without being seen by the doctor. The doctor suggested that we would need some help to get her out, meaning the vauntuse (suction cap on her head and pulling her out) the midwife asked if I could go another half an hour trying by myself before we got help as bub's heart beat was happy and I still had a lot of energy. So we went on how we were the midwife helping me and me pushing but it was getting really hard, I could really feel pain in my right hip and it was stopping me being able to push hard. So I said to the midwife cold we get the doctor back in and get some help. The doctor came in and put the suction cap on bubs head, and when she was ready I pushed and she pulled. Lily came out basically to her ears and the suction cap came off and her head slipped back in. The doctor put it back on and waited until I had another contraction, and we tried again but after about 10 seconds of pushing and pulling and trying to stretch me the doctor decided that I would need to be snipped to get Lily out. So they told Ross to look away and I remember begging them not to cut me, but they did. Lily came out with the next contraction with a bit of a push and pull. Her head came out and they told me to stop pushing for a second, then I went again and she was out. The feeling of relief and accomplishment swept over me, and she was handed up onto my belly. I could not believe she was finally here, on me, all slimy and slippery. After what seemed like forever (which was only a few seconds) she let out a huge cry and didn't stop until she found my booby. Ross got to cut her cord which they said wasn't very wide and she crawled up and found her food within about half an hour. There was two midwifes, a doctor, two pediatricians and Ross there at the moment she was born. The pediatricians were there because we had an assisted birth and sometimes things can go wrong with bub. But they didn't need to take her away at all, I got her all to myself. The midwife gave me the injection in my thigh to help with the placenta, and I didn't feel it at all! Not long after having her on my tummy I got the urge to throw up, and I did, sooo much I was afraid I was going to let Lily slip while I was throwing up but I didn't thank god. They delivered my placenta while Lily was having a little feed, and stitched me up, I felt nothing thank god. Ross got to have a hold of Lily and then they took her over to get properly checked out,weighed and dressed. We got left along to have a rest after that. Even Lily wanted a snooze.
As tired as we both were we were so excited and in love with our girl we found it hard to shut our eyes.
So a 22.5 hour labour, 2.5 hours pushing and we had a gorgeous baby girl all to ourselves. I do not regret anything about her birth, not even having the epidural. Her birth was perfect in every way, and I loved every minute of it. They are right when they say the pain is just a distant memory as soon as you get them onto your skin.

So there you have it. The birth of Lily Jade McCarthy as Ross and I remember it. (Hopefully we didn't miss out too many bits)

Sarah