The abuse doesn't end when the abusive relationship ends.

The abuse doesn't end there.

The abuse didn't end when I left.

The control didn't finish when feelings left.

The mind games weren't finished when I was.

They got worse.

It all got so much worse.

More than I ever imagined.

I had to turn into the most strongest and self empowered woman I could ever imagine. I had to learn to live a life through the mist of hate. I had to learn to look through the fog of my glassy eyes and know that whatever happens, whatever is tried and tested, I have control on how it is recived.

That no matter what, the abuser no longer held the power to hurt. My anthem and survival guide became"'I do not accept what you are saying, this is your issue and I am passing it back to you"

He couldn't physically control me anymore. Or physically hurt me. So he tried and still does try in every way he can. 

To live a life where still, almost every single day you're bullied. Manipulated. 

I didn't choose this part. I chose to leave it behind. Why does it continue to follow me? I do not accept it. Repeat it. I do not accept it.

I thought leaving would end this all. But two years later, I still have to battle with my inner strength to rebuke his games. 

I DO NOT ACCEPT IT!

I say I 'was' in an abusive relationship, but most of the time, I feel like I still am.

And often, it's worse.

The abuse doesn't end when the abusive relationship ends.

Except now, it's just games with my head instead of my body. My bruises healed. Slowly the photos were deleted. Slowly people forgot. But the words that are spun like a spiders web now, the words of hatred...still continue in. Like as if those words have the power to reach out a hand and squeeze my heart. 

Imagine your number one aspiration in life is to make someone feel miserable. To be hurtful. To be rude. That you feel like your destiny is to kill of someones soul.

"I wish with all my might that you would stop haunting me."

But then I realise, you are just miserable.

How horrible would it be to not live a life of grace, love, acceptance and gratitude. How sad to try and search and look for faults instead of seeing the beauty in everything. 

What a waste of life!

So maybe I hate having to deal with all of this continually. But I am thankful that I am not you.

So play your games as you will, but remember I'm still the puppeteer of my own self, and you will never, ever, have the ability to control me again.