Something I've wanted to do for so long but have always held back.
Maybe it's still the voices that have been implanted in my mind "you deserved it" "you pushed my buttons" "I was tired".
Maybe that it's that I felt I was the bigger person by letting things go.
Maybe it's that I wanted to believe so hard that this wasn't my life.
Also, maybe I don't have the words to describe exactly how it was.
I also know that once it's out, there's no going back. People will realize that the way I portrayed my perfect family was all a method of survival.
You would think that a police family violence order would be a wake up call.
You would think when I stopped feeling safe in my home was a wake up call.
You would think when I felt I couldn't even talk and walked on egg shells daily was a wake up call.
You would think the bruises were.
You would think the never ending abuse/sorry/abuse cycle was too...
Or the risky toxic situations I lived with everyday.
The thing with wake up calls, you have to be alive inside to feel them.
After years of this being my life I began to realize my worth. My inner self began to wake. My confidence began to know that this was not safe.
I was punished for that. The more I grew, the more I would be pushed down.
One day things had gone too far. When for the first time I actually truly feared for my life.
So why am I exposing this now?
The other side. After abuse.
Because I NEED people to know that life on the other side is so much better.
The weight on your shoulders no longer weigh you down. That you will feel entirely lighter, healthier and more free.
All those incredible emotions you only dreamed about feeling... You will live them intensely.
That you will find strength beyond anything you can imagine. You will be a soldier and ruler of your own life. You will realize your self worth and begin to love yourself deeply.
That even though you were taught that you deserved it, you will realize that you didn't.
That being alone isn't lonely, it's fulfilling. Even though it was stamped in your soul that you couldn't be alone, you will prove otherwise. And that will be the most satisfying thing you've done in your life.
That for the first time your smile will come naturally. Your eyes will smile. Your soul will smile. You will live in complete whole happiness.
It will be entirely and completely worth it.
I need you to know that no matter the level of abuse, it's not okay. No matter what.
I need you to know that you have a right to be happy.
I need you to know that you are worth so much more.
I want me to be living proof of what the other side is like.
I want to role model for other people in similar situations (women AND men) just how much you can accomplish with your freedom.
You were put on earth for a reason, and THIS isn't your reason.
To this day, it still continues. Mainly because of the strength of my life now has become a threat. There's many, many people that don't know the truth. In fact there's many, many people that believe the lies that are being fed.
But, I've turned into a beautiful diamond, that can no longer be broken, and my inner being is completely satisfied with just that.
-Harley xx
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